Do you feel compelled to agree with every request, task, or option you receive even when you’re really not on board? Many people find themselves doing this because they either just want to be polite or easy to work with. If you’re a people-pleaser, you probably say yes often as well as a result.
This week on the podcast, we’re discussing what happens when you don’t ask for what you truly want and how it can hold you back.
Why We Don’t Ask For What We Want
The truth is, many of us have trouble asking for what we want whether it’s at work or in our personal life. We do this for a number of reasons but here are three of the main motivating factors.
You Want to Seem Compliant
If you strive for order and structure, it’s natural that you’ll want to seem compliant and want everything to run smoothly. Society teaches us at a young age that putting ourselves first is wrong and our wants and needs are not as important as the next one.
We’re always taught to consider others first and make them happy. If you happen to want something that doesn’t quite fit into that selfless mode, you may start to feel wrong or guilty when it comes to asking for what you want so you hold back.
You’re Afraid of How Others Will React
Fear is another factor that can prevent you from asking for what you want. If you value what others think about you and how they perceive you, you’d probably be afraid of how they will react when you ask for something that different.
Even if you say you don’t care about what others think, we all do to a certain point which is why you probably wouldn’t leave the house in pajamas and with your hair a mess.
You Don’t Know What You Want
Finally, the third main reason why you may not ask for what you want is because you don’t even know what you want, to begin with. If this sounds like it may resonate with you, you most likely either don’t know what’s possible or just don’t know how to reach your end goal or why you’re trying to reach it.
What you want or think you want may be too vague. For example, there are a ton of people who enroll in college each year because they claim they want a good job, but haven’t really narrowed down what they want their ‘good job’ to help them achieve in life and what that job would include.
There are many students with undecided majors because they have no idea what they want. If you find yourself not knowing what you want or not realizing what’s possible, you need to determine your values and envision the life you want so you can seek out opportunities that will support your end goal.
The Benefits of Asking For What You Want
There are so many benefits to finally being able to ask for what you truly want. While many fear that risk won’t be worth it or that they’ll experience backlash for being blunt and authentic, it’s usually not the case. By being firm and asking for what you want, you can:
- Become happier and more satisfied
- Be able to take care of yourself better
- Have less stress and anxiety
- Gain more respect from others
- Communicate better with others
- Improve your overall quality of life
Ready to start learning how to define what you truly want and ask for it without fear and guilt? Listen to our podcast episode below.
In this episode we discuss:
- 1:20 – Putting Yourself First (and not being rude about it)
- 6:00 – Evaluate your goals and your job to find common ground
- 16:30 – If you don’t ask for what you want, then nobody will know what you want
- 22:10 – Asking for what you want – a raise and knowing your own value
Related Links to Check Out:
- Why Being Busy Shouldn’t Be a Badge of Honor
- What it Means to Live Authentically
- How to Let Go of What You Don’t Want to Create More Space
- The Grass Isn’t Always Greener When You’re Self Employed
- Ted Talk: Your Body Language Shapes Who You Are by Amy Cuddy
- Presence: Bringing Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenges by Amy Cuddy
- You can also listen to the audio book for FREE with a 30 day trial of Audible.com!
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